Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
