"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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