I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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