kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
