hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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