We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
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Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?