see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.