So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting