oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.