it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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