Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
