Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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