If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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