He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
