it wasn't lemon gatorade
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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