I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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