So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
