It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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