maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize