My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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