Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
