I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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