Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
