Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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