I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
