I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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