Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
