So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
