My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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