i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
