so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I don't deserve a penis
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize
