Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
