I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
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His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize