she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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