This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
