Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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