Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
