I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
