I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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