I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
