Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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