Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
