$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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