my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is the high leading the old right now
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
