FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
