That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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