Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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