Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Help me help you realize you are a moron
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
