Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize