just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
So squirting runs in the family.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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