i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dignity is for republicans.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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