You're completely useless in the revolution.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I can't put those talents on a resume
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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