and she was petting her beer can
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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