i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize