Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
