so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
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On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
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Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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