maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
