Nicole vs. Life
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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