you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She announced her abortion via fbk
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
