its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
