he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
