When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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