Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
