Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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