you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
