He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
