I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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