i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
