My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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