I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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